10 types of people
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Quotes
A big gap
The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability.
A black art
Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline.
A deeper art
Perilous to us all are the devices of an art deeper than that which we possess ourselves.
A good programmer
A good programmer is someone who always look both ways before crossing a one-way street.
A great team
You can’t have great software without a great team, and most software teams behave like dysfunctional families.
A perfect match
A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.
A quality money can’t just buy
Almost anything in software can be implemented, sold, and even used given enough determination. There is nothing a mere scientist can say that will stand against the flood of a hundred million dollars. But there is one quality that cannot be purchased in this way — and that is reliability. The price of reliability is the pursuit of the utmost simplicity. It is a price which the very rich find most hard to pay.
A smart terminal
A smart terminal is not a smartass terminal, but rather a terminal you can educate.
Accurate estimations
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Addicted
If a kid is addicted to a computer, I think that’s far better than watching TV, because at least his mind is making choices.
Adding a feature
The cost of adding a feature isn’t just the time it takes to code it. The cost also includes the addition of an obstacle to future expansion. […] The trick is to pick the features that don’t fight each other.
Adding bugs
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Adequacy and excellence
Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking process — an exercise in logic, clear expression, and almost fanatical attention to detail. It requires intelligence, dedication, and an enormous amount of hard work. However, a certain amount of unpredictable and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference between adequacy and excellence.
Allocating memory
All you have to do is call free() slightly less often than malloc(). You may want to examine the Solaris system libraries for a particularly ambitious implementation of this technique.
An extra level of indirection
We can solve any problem by introducing an extra level of indirection.
Another level of indirection
Any problem in computer science can be solved with another level of indirection… but that usually will create another problem.
Answers
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Any idiot could write it
Things which any idiot could write usually have the quality of having been written by an idiot.
Array indices
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Arrogance
In computer science, arrogance is measured in milli-Dijkstras.
Artificial intelligence
I have found that the reason a lot of people are interested in artificial intelligence is the same reason a lot of people are interested in artificial limbs: they are missing one.
As simple as possible
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Bad and good programmers
Bad programmers worry about the code. Good programmers worry about data structures and their relationships.
Bad code
There is not now, nor has there ever been, nor will there ever be, any programming language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad code.
Bad comments
Bad comments are like bad sex. It may not be great, but it’s better than nothing at all.
Bad habits
Compulsive caching or pre-calculation of answers when the questions aren’t performance intensive is a bad habit.
Bad programs
While it is possible to write bad programs in any language, in C it is absolutely required.
Bandwidth
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
Batteries included
A language that doesn’t have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do.
Beautiful solutions
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Being exact
There’s no sense being exact about something if you don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Bells and whistles
Are you quite sure that all those bells and whistles, all those wonderful facilities of your so called powerful programming languages, belong to the solution set rather than the problem set?
Berkeley
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t belive this to be strictly by coincidence.
Best practices
A good programmer looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Beware of bugs
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
Blame
I have an ugly tendency to blame all my failings on others. It’s something I picked up from my parents.
Blame
It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it.
Blind faith
I don’t wish to be without my brains, tho’ they doubtless interfere with a blind faith which would be very comfortable.
Brute force
When in doubt, use brute force.
Bugs
They don’t make bugs like Bunny anymore.
Bytes and bits
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, «Are you ill?» The second byte replies, «No, just feeling a bit off».
C and C++
C lets you easily shoot in your foot, C++ lets you reuse the bullet.
Can’t do
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
Can’t possibly go wrong
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that, when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Cause and solution
I’m a programmer. People seem to think I can fix their computer problems. I guess they never wonder where those problems came from.
Changing a light bulb
- How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None: it’s a hardware problem.
Changing the world
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
Chaotic XML
XML is like violence. Sure, it seems like a quick and easy solution at first, but then it spirals out of control into utter chaos.
Clean and nice programs
The cleaner and nicer the program, the faster it’s going to run. And if it doesn’t, it’ll be easy to make it fast.
Clever tricks
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Code and comments
Code never lies, comments sometimes do.
Committees
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
Committees
Search all the parks in all your cities; you’ll find no statues of committees.
Communication
The three C’s of software engineering are: Communication, Communication and Communication. Projects hardly ever fail due to technical problems.
Compatibility
Compatibility means deliberately repeating other people’s mistakes.
Complete code
The code is 100% complete, it just doesn’t work yet.
Complex problems
Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.
Complexity and beauty
Beauty is more important in computing than anywhere else in technology because software is so complicated. Beauty is the ultimate defence against complexity.
Complexity and computer science
The computing scientist’s main challenge is not to get confused by the complexities of his own making.
Complexity and maintainability
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
Complexity and reliability
The central enemy of reliability is complexity.
Complexity and sophistication
Increasingly, people seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication, which is baffling — the incomprehensible should cause suspicion rather than admiration. Possibly this trend results from a mistaken belief that using a somewhat mysterious device confers an aura of power on the user.
Complexity kills
Complexity kills. It sucks the life out of developers, it makes products difficult to plan, build and test, it introduces security challenges and it causes end-user and administrator frustration.
Complexity
Keep it complex and kludgy.
Computer errors
Behind every computer error there is at least two human errors, one of which is blaming the computer.
Computer science
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Computer scientists
Mathematicians stand on each others’ shoulders and computer scientists stand on each others’ toes.
Computers users
Any fool can use a computer. Many do.
Computing sins
More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without necessarily achieving it) than for any other single reason — including blind stupidity.
Configuration
That which CAN be configured, MUST be configured.
Consistency
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
Constants and variables
Constants aren’t. Variables won’t.
Constraints
Constraints are not limitations; they are insight.
Controlling complexity
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
Correctness
Correctness is clearly the prime quality. If a system does not do what it is supposed to do, then everything else about it matters little.
Cost and time
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
Curiosity
I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.
Data structures
A data structure is just a stupid programming language.
Databases
Databases are details to be hidden. They are not your central abstraction, nor are they the core of your application.
Deadlines
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Debuggers
Naturally, a tool for getting rid of bugs in your program is called a «debugger». Mudanely enough, the corresponding tool for putting bugs into your program is called a «programmer».
Debugging
Debugging is damnably troublesome work, and plagues me.
Debugging time
Debugging time increases as a square of the program’s size.
Debugging tools
The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought, coupled with judiciously placed print statements.
Debugging
Debugging: removing the needles from the haystack.
Deleted code
Deleted code is debugged code.
Designing perfection
In design, perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Development time
The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
Diligence
With diligence it is possible to make anything run slowly.
Distributed systems
A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn’t even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
Do it both ways
If you aren’t sure which way to do something, do it both ways and see which works better.
Doing lots of things
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Don’t press the button
You can’t stop anyone from doing anything. You can only slow them down.
Doubts
When in doubt, leave it out.
Easy to use
I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
Education
Computer science education cannot make anybody an expert programmer any more than studying brushes and pigment can make somebody an expert painter.
Enough eyeballs
Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Enough time
If you don’t have time to do it right, you better have time to do it over.
Error-free programs
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
Even monkeys fall from trees
猿も木から落ちる。
Expanding programs
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
Experts
My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared.
Fashion
Fashion is something barbarous, for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit.
Faster code
No code is faster than no code.
Faster mistakes
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Finished software
Software is finished when the last person stops using it.
First Law of Documentation
Produce no document unless its need is immediate and significant.
Fixing problems
The trick is to fix the problem you have, rather than the problem you want.
Formulating questions
Comparing to another activity is useful if it helps you formulate questions, it’s dangerous when you use it to justify answers.
FORTRAN
FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed — it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
Forward thinking
Forward thinking was just the thing that made multics what it is today.
Freedom
Software is like sex. It’s better when it’s free.
Fun
Most good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but because it is fun to program.
Funny hardware
Never attribute to funny hardware that which can be adequately explained by broken locking.
Game design
Design games for yourself, but pretend like you’ve never seen the game before, so make it intuitive.
Generic programs
Any program that tries to be so generalized and configurable that it could handle any kind of task will either fall short of this goal, or will be horribly broken.
Geniuses
Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.
Getting things done
The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone.
Giants and midgets
It has been said that the great scientific disciplines are examples of giants standing on the shoulders of other giants. It has also been said that the software industry is an example of midgets standing on the toes of other midgets.
GNOME API
«Infinitely extendable API» roughly translates as «we can’t live without API bloat». Frankly, judging by the codebase, people who designed GNOME are culturally incompatible with UNIX.
Good and great programmers
Good programmers write good code. Great programmers steal great code.
Good code
If you can’t write a good code, at least make it looks good.
Good code
Good code is short, simple, and symmetrical — the challenge is figuring out how to get there.
Good comments
It is only a slight exaggeration to say that every good comment in a program represents a small failure of the language.
Good design
Good design adds value faster than it adds cost.
Good examples
Verba movent, exempla trahunt.
Good ideas
A good way to have good ideas is by being unoriginal.
Good names
The most important thing in a programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name, and now I am looking for a suitable language.
Good programmers
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
Halloween and Christmas
Real programmers always confuse Halloween and Christmas because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
Handling exceptions
The primary duty of an exception handler is to get the error out of the lap of the programmer and into the surprised face of the user. Provided you keep this cardinal rule in mind, you can’t go far wrong.
Haskell
Haskell is faster than C++, more concise than Perl, more regular than Python, more flexible than Ruby, more typeful than C#, more robust than Java, and has absolutely nothing in common with PHP.
Hateful computers
That’s the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
I remarked to Dennis [Ritchie] that easily half the code I was writing in Multics was error recovery code. He said, «We left all that stuff out [of Unix]. If there’s an error, we have this routine called panic, and when it is called, the machine crashes, and you holler down the hall: Hey, reboot it.»
Heisenbugs
Bugs that go away by themselves come back by themselves.
Hidden
I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.
Honesty
For a sucessful technology, honesty must take precedence over public relations for nature cannot be fooled.
Hours of planning
Weeks of programming can save you hours of planning.
How stuff works
What I cannot build, I do not understand.
HTML validation
The whole HTML validation exercise is questionable, but validating as XHTML is flat-out masochism. Only recommended for those that enjoy pain. Or programmers. I can’t always tell the difference.
IDE features
Integrated development environment features are language smells.
Ideas
Programming: when the ideas turn into the real things.
Idiocy disallowed
Languages that try to disallow idiocy become themselves idiotic.
Ignorance is bliss
Fish don’t know they’re in water.
Imagination and knowledge
Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, givin birth to evolution.
Imagination
Imagination is the Discovering Faculty, pre-eminently. It is that which penetrates into the unseen worlds around us, the worlds of Science.
Immutability
One man’s constant is another man’s variable.
Implicit environments
The problem with object-oriented languages is they’ve got all this implicit environment that they carry around with them. You wanted a banana but what you got was a gorilla holding the banana and the entire jungle.
Incorrect documentation
Incorrect documentation is often worse than no documentation.
Indentation
In my egotistical opinion, most people’s C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt.
Infinite monkeys
If you put an infinite number of monkeys hitting keys at random on typewriters, eventually one will bash out the complete works of William Shakespeare.
Infinity
Two things are infinite: the universe and the stupidity of mankind. However, I am not so sure yet with the universe.
Intelligent fools
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.
Iteration and recursion
To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
Java and XML
Java is a DSL to transform big XML documents into long exception stack traces.
Juggling
Programming is like juggling; the problem is that the balls go where you throw them.
KISS principle
Keep it simple and stupid.
Knowledge
To me, programming is more than an important practical art. It is also a gigantic undertaking in the foundations of knowledge.
Knowledge and wisdom
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
Knowledge
There is much pleasure in useless knowledge.
Languages
Languages shape the way we think, or don’t.
Learning Perl
If you start programming by learning perl you will just become a menace to yourself and others.
Learning to program
Learning to program has no more to do with designing interactive software than learning to touch type has to do with writing poetry.
Learning
It’s a curious thing about our industry: not only do we not learn from our mistakes, we also don’t learn from our successes.
Life support
Programming is like sex, one mistake and you will support it for life.
Lines of source code
Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
Linux sysfs
I’ve wondered whether Linux sysfs should be called syphilis.
Linux
Linux is only free if your time is worthless.
Lisp programs
Any sufficiently well-documented lisp program contains an ML program in its comments.
Lisp
Lisp isn’t a language, it’s a building material.
Localhost
There is no place like 127.0.0.1.
Low-level programming
Low-level programming is good for the programmer’s soul.
Low level
A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
Magic
Every methodology I’ve come across has, at its kernel, a very small section labelled «Do magic here».
Mail me maybe
The Law of Software Envelopment: Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can.
Maintaining your code
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. Code for readability.
Making the world a better place
Computers are about making life easier in much the same way that the Republican party is about fiscal responsibility and a culture of life.
Management and leadership
Management is doing a thing right; leadership is doing the right things.
Manpower
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Memory expansion
Software obeys the law of gaseous expansion — it continues to grow until memory is completely filled.
Microsoft and internet
If Microsoft had developed Internet, we could not ever see the source code of web pages. HTML might be a compiled language then.
Mind crippling
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.
Mind reading
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
Misunderstanding
If you think it’s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Modern computing
Such is modern computing: everything simple is made too complicated because it’s easy to fiddle with; everything complicated stays complicated because it’s hard to fix.
Monday’s code
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.
Morons
An organisation that treats its programmers as morons will soon have programmers that are willing and able to act like morons only.
New features
The latest new features in C++ are designed to fix the previously new features in C++.
New technologies
Once a new technology starts rolling, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road.
No comments
Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
No evidence
What can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.
No mistakes
There are no unitary tests in our project because we don’t do mistakes here.
Not failing
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Not necessarily a good idea
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead.
Notations
A notation is important for what it leaves out.
OAuth
OAuth is the best that the wrong way of doing things can provide.
Object methodologists
What is the difference between an object methodologist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Object-oriented design
Object-oriented design is the roman numerals of computing.
Object-oriented programming
I invented the term «Object-Oriented», and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Object-oriented programming
Object-oriented programming is to writing a program, what going through airport security is to flying.
Obsolescence
If it works, it’s obsolete.
Obsolete programs
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Occam’s razor
Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem.
Old programs
Old programs read like quiet conversations between a well-spoken research worker and a well-studied mechanical colleague, not as a debate with a compiler. Who’d have guessed sophistication bought such noise?
Old software
Old computers go into museums, but old software goes into production every night.
One bug
Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
One page principle
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood.
Operating systems research
Unix has retarded OS research by 10 years and Linux has retarded it by 20.
Opportunistic refactoring
Refactoring is something that {should} be done opportunistically, as a regular part of your programming work.
Optimizing
You’re bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything.
Out of business
As a programmer, it is your job to put yourself out of business. What you do today can be automated tomorrow.
Outsmarting compilers
Trying to outsmart a compiler defeats much of the purpose of using one.
Overlooked risks
The most often-overlooked risk in software engineering is: incompetent programmers. […] One bad programmer can easily create two new jobs a year. Hiring more bad programmers will just increase our perceived need for them. If we had more good programmers, and could easily identify them, we would need fewer, not more.
Pastafarianism
In the one and only true way, the object-oriented version of «Spaghetti code» is, of course, «Lasagna code» (too many layers).
Perfection
The best is the enemy of the good.
Perl
Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.
Perl
It’s not that Perl programmers are idiots, it’s that the language rewards idiotic behavior in a way that no other language or tool has ever done.
Persistent objects
We have persistent objects, they’re called files.
PHP and Perl
PHP is a minor evil, perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs; whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals.
PHP
PHP is the Sarah Palin of programming languages.
Pi seconds
π seconds is a nanocentury.
Piling features
Programming languages should be designed not by piling feature on top of feature, but by removing the weaknesses and restrictions that make additional features appear necessary.
Plan 9
Plan 9 looks like it was written by experts; Linux looks like something my students could aspire to write.
Planning
I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
Portable programs
A program is portable to the extent that it can be easily moved to a new computing environment with much less effort than would be required to write it afresh.
Power and flexibility
C combines the power of assembly language with the flexibility of assembly language.
Powers of abstraction
The effective exploitation of his powers of abstraction must be regarded as one of the most vital activities of a competent programmer.
Powers of two
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later, he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
Predictions
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
Premature optimizations
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Programmers and sex
- How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?
- When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.
Programmers at work
Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.
Programming and debugging
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn’t as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
Programming and poetry
A program is like a poem: you cannot write a poem without writing it. Yet people talk about programming as if it were a production process and measure «programmer productivity» in terms of «number of lines of code produced». In so doing, they book that number on the wrong side of the ledger: We should always refer to «the number of lines of code spent».
Programming graphics in X
Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals.
Programming is hard
Programming is hard, let’s go shopping.
Programming languages
There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses.
Programming questions
A lot of programming questions are always asked because the programmer has reached the end of a twisty maze of his own creation. Turn around, walk, spin around, and try again. You’ll find a better solution.
Programming today
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
Proprietary software
Life is too short to run proprietary software.
Put beauty into it
Everyday life is like programming, I guess. If you love something you can put beauty into it.
Python
Python’s a drop-in replacement for BASIC in the sense that Optimus Prime is a drop-in replacement for a truck.
Questions and answers
If C++ is the answer, what the fuck was the question???
Quirky and flawed C
C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.
Recursion
In order to define recursion, we must first define recursion.
Regular expressions
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: «I know, I’ll use regular expressions». Now they have two problems.
Reinventing the wheel
The good thing about reinventing the wheel is that you can get a round one.
Requirements
Why don’t you guys get to work coding while we work on the requirements?
Restricting the flexibility
If you’re willing to restrict the flexibility of your approach, you can almost always do something better.
Reusable software
Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable.
Ruby
Ruby is Perl on LSD.
Running time
In non-I/O-bound programs, less than 4% of a program generally accounts for more than half of its running time.
Scope, time and cost
Given the options: «Scope», «Time» and «Cost», pick any two.
Security
Security is a state of mind.
Sharing knowledge
Programming is not a zero-sum game. Teaching something to a fellow programmer doesn’t take it away from you. I’m happy to share what I can, because I’m in it for the love of programming. The Ferraris are just gravy, honest!
Show me
Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
Simplicity and complexity
Simplicity is hard to build, easy to use, and hard to charge for. Complexity is easy to build, hard to use, and easy to charge for.
Simplicity and elegance
Simplicity carried to the extreme becomes elegance.
Simplicity and reliability
The unavoidable price of reliability is simplicity.
Simplicity and reliability
Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability.
Simplicity and sophistication
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Simplicity, complexity and intelligence
Complexity has nothing to do with intelligence, simplicity does.
Simplicity
Simplicity — the art of maximizing the amount of work not done — is essential.
Simplifying and complicating
While intelligent people can often simplify the complex, a fool is more likely to complicate the simple.
Simplifying
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.
Sinking
Programs, like ships, sink in the C.
Slow coding
No matter how slow you are writing clean code, you will always be slower if you make a mess.
Slower software
Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.
Small and simple code
The beauty of small and simple code is that you can bend or break the rules as long it stays small and simple.
Small efficiencies
We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time.
Smart software
So-called «smart» software usually is the worst you can imagine.
Snake oil
What society overwhelmingly asks for is snake oil. Of course, the snake oil has the most impressive names — otherwise you would be selling nothing — like «Structured Analysis and Design», «Software Engineering», «Maturity Models», «Management Information Systems», «Integrated Project Support Environments» «Object Orientation» and «Business Process Re-engineering» (the latter three being known as IPSE, OO and BPR, respectively).
So easy to implement
My goal was to ensure that all use of references should be absolutely safe, with checking performed automatically by the compiler. But I couldn’t resist the temptation to put in a null reference, simply because it was so easy to implement.
Software and burgers
If McDonald’s were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning, and the response would be «We’re sorry, here’s a coupon for two more».
Software and carpenters
If carpenters built houses the way programmers build programs, the next wind to come along would destroy civilization.
Software and entropy
Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the second law of thermodynamics; i.e. it always increases.
Software and hardware
The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the computer hardware industry.
Software business
If you want to win in a software business, just take on the hardest problem you can find, use the most powerful language you can get, and wait for your competitors’ pointy-haired bosses to revert to the mean.
Software design
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
Software development
The most important single aspect of software development is to be clear about what you are trying to build.
Software efficiency
Software efficiency halves every 18 months, compensating Moore’s Law.
Software quality
Trying to improve software quality by increasing the amount of testing is like trying to lose weight by weighing yourself more often.
Software sucks
Software sucks because users demand it to.
Software sucks
All software sucks, be it open-source or proprietary. The only question is what can be done with particular instance of suckage, and that’s where having the source matters.
Software today
Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.
Solving problems
First, solve the problem. Then, write the code.
Something different
When you want to do something differently from the rest of the world, it’s a good idea to look into whether the rest of the world knows something you don’t.
Speed, efficiency and stability
Given the options: «Fast», «Efficient» and «Stable», pick any two.
Speed, quality and price
Given the options: «Fast», «Good» and «Cheap», pick any two.
Speed
If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t matter how fast it doesn’t work.
Standard XML
Most XML I’ve seen makes me think I’m dyslexic. It also looks constipated, and two health problems in one standard is just too much.
Standards
The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from.
Standards
Just because the standard provides a cliff in front of you, you are not necessarily required to jump off it.
Stay away from the drugs
In the same world where Vomit-Making System is elegant, SGI «designs» are and NT is The Wave Of Future™. Pardon me, but I’ll stay in our universe and away from the drugs of such power.
Stop digging
The standard rule is, when you’re in a hole, stop digging. That seems not to apply to software nowadays.
Successfully failing
Success is failure in progress.
System weaknesses
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
Team characteristics
If you want a product with certain characteristics, you must ensure that the team has those characteristics before the product’s development.
Ten seconds
A user interface should be so simple that a beginner in an emergency can understand it within ten seconds.
Test-First
Would you rather Test-First or Debug-Later?
Testing
Testing? What’s that? If it compiles, it is good. If it boots up, it is perfect.
Testing
Program testing can be a very effective way to show the presence of bugs, but is hopelessly inadequate for showing their absence.
That brain of mine
That brain of mine is something more than merely mortal; as time will show.
The art of programming
Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
The best code
The best code is no code at all.
The best components
The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren’t there.
The biggest program
The X server has to be the biggest program I’ve ever seen that doesn’t do anything for you.
The common language
The common language of programmers is Profanity.
The cost of abstraction
It is not that uncommon for the cost of an abstraction to outweigh the benefit it delivers. Kill one today!
The customer is always right, right?
If we’d asked the customers what they wanted, they would have said «faster horses».
The design of UNIX
UNIX was not designed to stop its users from doing stupid things, as that would also stop them from doing clever things.
The dusty archives
You want to make your way in the Computer Science field? Simple. Calculate rough time of amnesia (hell, 10 years is plenty, probably 10 months is plenty), go to the dusty archives, dig out something fun, and go for it. It’s worked for many people, and it can work for you.
The eight fallacies of distributed computing
The Eight Fallacies of Distributed Computing:
- The network is reliable.
- Latency is zero.
- Bandwidth is infinite.
- The network is secure.
- Topology doesn’t change.
- There is one administrator.
- Transport cost is zero.
- The network is homogeneous.
The essence of XML
The essence of XML is this: the problem it solves is not hard, and it does not solve the problem well.
The factory of the future
The factory of the future will have only two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
The hard part
In programming, the hard part isn’t solving problems, but deciding what problems to solve.
The key to performance
The key to performance is elegance, not battalions of special cases.
The most beautiful code
In software, the most beautiful code, the most beautiful functions, and the most beautiful programs are sometimes not there at all.
The most complex things
Computer programs are the most complex things that humans make.
The new super computer
Have you heard about the new super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
The object-oriented model
The object-oriented model makes it easy to build up programs by accretion. What this often means, in practice, is that it provides a structured way to write spaghetti code.
The optimization operator
Every programming language has an optimization operator. In C++ that operator is: //.
The proper lazyness
I am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.
The proper use of comments
The proper use of comments is to compensate for our failure to express ourself in code.
The purpose of abstraction
The purpose of abstraction is not to be vague, but to create a new semantic level in which one can be absolutely precise.
The purpose of computing
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
The purpose of software engineering
The purpose of software engineering is to control complexity, not to create it.
The real world
Beware of «the real world». A speaker’s appeal to it is always an invitation not to challenge his tacit assumptions.
The right answers
On two occasions I have been asked by members of Parliament: «Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?». I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
The right data structures
If you’ve chosen the right data structures and organized things well, the algorithms will almost always be self-evident.
The right problem
It is better to do the right problem the wrong way than the wrong problem the right way.
The three kinds of lies
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and benchmarks.
The value of a program
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Theory and practice
Theory and practice sometimes clash. And when that happens, theory loses. Every single time.
Theory and practice
Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work. Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why. Programmers combine theory and practice: nothing works and they don’t know why.
Things that should not work
Sometimes, things that should work, don’t. That’s worrying. Sometimes things that shouldn’t work, do. That’s worringer.
Thinking computers
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Threads and signals
Threads and signals are a platform-dependant trail of misery, despair, horror and madness.
Three dangerous things
The three most dangerous things in the world are: a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.
Throwing it away
One of my most productive days was throwing away 1000 lines of code.
Tomorrow’s Unix
I’m confident that tomorrow’s Unix will look like today’s Unix, only cruftier.
Too literal
- How did the programmer die in the shower?
- He read the shampoo bottle instructions: «Lather. Rinse. Repeat.»
Too much complexity
So much complexity in software comes from trying to make one thing do two things.
Totally safe
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Training
You can never train a programmer, you may discover one.
Tribal customs
Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!
True glory
True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read.
Trust
You can’t trust code that you did not totally create yourself.
Tuning for speed
Don’t tune for speed until you’ve measured, and even then don’t unless one part of the code overwhelms the rest.
Turing tar-pit
Beware of the Turing tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
Twice as fast
A program that produces incorrect results twice as fast is infinitely slower.
Twice as hard
Everyone knows that debugging is twice as hard as writing a program in the first place. So if you’re as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?
Two hard things
There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things.
Type hierarchies
When there is no type hierarchy, you don’t have to manage the type hierarchy.
Understanding the code
If we wanted you to understand it, we wouldn’t call it code.
Understanding the specifications
Programmers won’t tell you that they don’t understand the specification; they will happily invent their way through the gaps and obscurities.
Undetectable errors
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
Unformed people
Unformed people delight in the gaudy and in novelty. Cooked people delight in the ordinary.
Unix
Unix is user-friendly. It’s just particular who its friends are.
Unix is dead
Not only is UNIX dead, it’s starting to smell really bad.
Unix is so simple
Unix is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Unix
Unix is a junk OS designed by a committee of PhDs.
Unsolved problems
A good programmer would rather leave a problem temporarily unsolved than solve it poorly.
Unwritten code
Written code is buggy code, unwritten code might be bug-free code.
Useful programs
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Useless programs
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
User expectations
Microsoft’s biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations.
User-friendliness
Programmers think they all suck; Prostitutes also think they all suck. And both are right: they all suck. The big difference is that prostitutes got the term «user-friendly» right.
Users are idiots
This «users are idiots, and are confused by functionality» mentality of Gnome is a disease. If you think your users are idiots, only idiots will use it.
Users
Just because they are called «users» it doesn’t mean they are on drugs… although it would make more sense if they were.
Using Haskell
Do I really want to be using Haskell, a language where memoize is a PhD-level topic?
Vacuumware
Vacuumware: n, software which was written specifically to fill a void in the industry, especially software which is successful more due to how well it fills that void than due to anything else, like usability or utility.
Violent XML
XML is like violence: if it doesn’t solve your problem, you aren’t using enough of it.
Wearing out
Software wears out softly, software development wears out the developers really hard.
Windows
Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working as soon as you open Windows.
Wonderful languages
More good code has been written in languages denounced as bad than in languages proclaimed wonderful – much more.
Won’t do
I object to doing things that computers can do.
Work expansion
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
Working well
As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.
Worshipping rules
Rules allow people to write code without thinking. When you don’t think, you get bloated code that just concatenates stupid patterns. People stop thinking and questioning; then it’s just worshipping some rules without any purporse.
Writing code
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
Writing code
Write your code like you will have to debug it when you are low on sleep, drunk, or hungover — because you probably will.
Wrong comments
As soon as you comment your code, it is out of date and wrong.
X-Windows sucks
Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks.
X-Windows
If the designers of X-Windows built cars, there would be no fewer than five steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, none of which followed the same principles – but you’d be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Useful feature that.
XML, really?
Nobody who uses XML knows what they are doing.
Yes, my lord
When someone says: «I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done», give him a lollipop.